-Farah Mahmood-

U JUST CANNOT GIVE UP

2010-03-19T21:26:00.003-07:00

adeh, baru je balik dari parents-teacher meeting.

so, jumpalah segala cikgu2 yang ada (all except english). hehe, mujur diorg tak comment camni to my parents:-

" hmm, anak awak dalam kelas kadang2 tidur, siap buat havock lagi blakang kelas dgn kawan2. kalau makan dalam kelas tu-everytime lah. langsung tiada disiplin!",- haha, u wish.

etceli, KEBANYAKAN cikgu cakap i'm very "attentive" in class. i think in other words, it might mean something like hyperactive??? haha! wateva :p

so after meating the teachers, pergi la makan2 (my most fav part). sedap gak foods kat sini, nyesal tak tapau balik. ngeh ngeh ngeh! :P

after that, pegi jumpa dr. basir (head of foundation). aduh, lepas tgk ranking ku, and CGPA, rasa macam ada BOMBING wake up call. it's so heart-throbing to know ur future is in the very most critical level. but no matter what, there's still hope kan. after meeting dr. basir, all my spirits go deep down to 7th hell, rasa macam dah takde hope lg, takde semangat to keep on going, coz that time, i feel that all my hardwork will not fruit anything. i felt that even if i studied for 2 days straight without sleeping also, it won't fruit anything, coz in the end, it will all stay the same. but then, came my mom to the rescue. haha, she always does, and also my dad(not forgetting).

diorang tak marah pon. tak marah langsung. only that they said that my results seems bad coz of my physics marks. and i was like in my heart, "damn you physics to the deepest pit of hell". but whatever it is, i will not give up, and i will NEVER give up. only losers gave up coz they think that there's no hope left. well, for me, there is ALWAYS a shining hope if you are really determined to get what you want. i know what i want, and im determined to achieve it. i will do my best, and i will leave the rest to Allah to decide whats best for me, so God, please don't disappoint me.

you're more gracious and understanding than anyone else, i believe that u'll guide me through and out succesfully. amin.

stop pondering upon the past farah!

2010-03-18T03:23:00.000-07:00

whats past is past. why are you still clinging on false hope! gah! just move on with your life. time heals all Farah. so just be strong, and just grasp that God knows whats best for you. so, don't give up, and for god's sake, think and LOOK forward.

hmm, and for your studies, yea, ur not the only one who's stressed up, and stuck up with lots of assignment, quizzes and tests. there's others who's in the same rabbit hole as you are. just remember to think God-and.. try to pray hard.

mama slalu kata, "walau blaja steruk mana pon, in the end, Allah yang akan tentukan semuanya".
papa pulak kata, "sleep on time farah girl, coz if not, it will disturb your biological clock and thus imbalanced level of serotonin."~ and i'm like WOAH =-=! papa knows about serotonin?

ok, semangat dah dapat balik! now get that freakin' earphones off your ears and hit the books~ with a hammer. haha, nah just kiddin.

QueStiOns anD AnswErs

2010-01-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

i had just watched merlin, it is when arthur was about to kill his father after knowing that his father killed his mother (more or less like that), and then, something just popped into my mind- isn't life full of questions, that is yet to be answered by our experience?

i mean, arthur was so desperate to know if his father really kills his mother after his birth until to the extent of killing his father! (ok, partly the killing part is becoz he's so furious, but the other part is becoz he wanted to have at least an answer so badly, that he rather kill his own parent)

so, came to think, it is quite impossible for us not to ask at least one question in one day and then find the answer to it. the human body is quite a nuisence sometimes, (if you asked me). i mean the more frequent the question pops out of our mind, the more eager they want to find for the answer. the question could be ANYTHING, and the best part is, it could just come out of nowhere!

for instance, a day in my life:

8.00am - why is it raining (if it rains), don't we already have enough rain yesterday? now where do i put my umbrella? great! im gonna be soaking wet to class! and what tudung am i gonna where today as waterproof? oh wait, i dont have one (#_#)

9.30am - (during lecture) i wonder if this teacher is pregnant? *asks friend about the teacher*, and whoopsie, i found out she's not married yet (*_*) , well, at least a question is resolved.

12.00pm - why do the restaurant offers such a small portion of the chicken??! who do they think we are? kittens?! hello people! we are students! students= extra energy, thus, extra energy= extra chicken! and the best part is, the prices are unbelievable! where's the manager??

2.00pm - why do the class have to be this long! we're not robots people! we're humans! spell check it!

3.00pm - this guy/ girl has looks, brains, money, fame, but why hadn't people approach him/her yet? well, if no one's approaching, im taking the first step! (haha! jk :p )

6.30pm - WHERE IS THE BUS!

7.00pm - what to order for food tonight? oh wait, i cant eat at night, i'll get fat. but if i dont eat, i shall get sick, if i eat, i shall feel very guilty. so, guilty or sick?? tough decision.

9.00pm - study, sleep or watch moviE?

10.00pm - (after surfing facebook) why must people sometimes be very....... (you fill in the blanks)

12.00 am - i wonder if maher zain is married yet? lets listen to his songs, maybe the answer's there :p

1.00am- why do i have to learn this physics thingy???? we have no use for it! hello people! we're medical students for god's sake!

3.00am - should i be asleep by now?

and...so on. so, in a day, the word "why, what, how, when and where" pops out of the mind SO MANY TIMES, and sometimes, we get the answer easily, sometimes the answer is impossible to get.

and, based on a more "personal" view, sometimes, the question we ponder upon is just waiting for a dead answer. in other words, we can already know or guess the answer, but we're still waiting for that "shining hope" for a "better answer".

for instance, i have this friend, i , once was very close to her. then, something happened, something not so serious, that could have been solved, but we keep on questioning ourselves, who is going to make the first step. the question remained unanswered until now, till the situation became at its' worst. now, we're acting that we dont even know each other, even when we are living under the same roof. i keep on questioning, when is this going to end? how long should we stay like this? how much could we take? and yet, there's the dead answer that keeps on answering, "nothings gonna be better, so just let it be".

but deep down, there's still a spark of light out of the shining hope, that hopes for a better ending.

so, based on this great philosopher, whom quotes, "life has to be a pinch of salt and sugar", i figured out, whats life to be without questions and answers :)

another semester in CUCMS

2010-01-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

wuhuu!!! another semester in CUCMS! this semester is the 2nd last sem before i actually entered MBBS years. i'm partly happy, partly afraid.

hmm..rasa takut ada gak.. maklumla, this sem ada like 3 science subject (which means 3 lab reports!!)-beban tuhh.. sejarah and intro to medicine.. those extra 2 subjects are just for LAN..a.k.a, adds to the burden.

but hey, i wont mind for sejarah! haha! we got this one awesome teacher, mr shiva.. at first i saw him, i thought to myself, "hmm..i knew this guy! tall, slim, funny, otak kuning, and got style, but i just cant remember where i've seen him before". until he told bout one dirty joke where god made fun of chinese's eyes, THERE i totally remembered! he told the same joke again back when i entered his seminar sejarah for SPM 2 years ago! haha! who could know we could meet up again, in the same place. the world is small (*_*)

continue back, so, yeah, this semester can be considered the "heaviest". but hey, i'm getting used to it. my body is starting to get immune to tiredness, when i slept at 3am every night, and it lasted maximum for 4 hours. hey, this is the life of a medical student.

memang harap sangat2 dpt improve cgpa result, or else, there are lots of consiquences to face:

1) i got kicked out of med school and have to enter non-govermental college after
that, or WORST, form 6. *eww*

2) my parents have to pay back like rm 150k. THATS A LOT!

3) my dreams of becoming a doctor- well yeah, "puff!"

4) i'll miss my friends,especially that one shining smile i'm starting to grow fonder of :-(

i mean, i just started a life here.
God,have mercy, please dont take it away, i'm happy here..

sometimes when i try to achieve, what we call "sel-actualization", i noticed that GOD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU'RE UNCAPABLE TO DO. well, that's quite an honour to know that God's trying to tell me that i'm capable to go through this HARD life of becoming a doctor :)- but only if i really put effort in it.

so,

add oil wedgiela, u can do this!

(quote from sin toun) :))

haha, kiddin' :p

pie and hearts <3

2009-11-30T03:47:00.000-08:00

a recent event that struck me remind me back of my story with my bestfriend, nicole, in PLKN.
We once had a 'girls chat' and eventually, we come up with this topic; pie and hearts

so here it goes:
our heart is pure~ just imagine it as a pie, sliced into many, many sections. for each person that we truly love, a slice of the pie is taken; and after that, it depends on that person, either he throws, or eats the pie (u get what i mean)
nicole told me,i'm still a full pie, maybe a little distorted on the edges, but still a full pie,because she said that i was "emotionless"~ while she's just left with crumbs.

dear oh nicole, came back to think, i'm same with you :'-)
only that your pie has been eaten nicely
~ mine has been thrown away mercilessly

missing factor!!!

2009-11-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

ah..semester 2...almost finish (ngahaa..lami lagi kot) :p

maybe next year tak silap..

sem 2 is far more tensed than sem 1. extra 4 subjects to be learned (math, chem, bio, agama)

masa mid sem tu...masih boleh catch up lagi la..ye le...basic right (its very basic! ~ bak kata miss fazilah, cikgu math) :p

but i feel that i cannot tahan already (bak kata ping ping) for final sem. during that time, we have 2 camps in a row, 1 is team building, another 1 is for biology..i can't deny, camping mmg best gile, dapat kenal those mei intakes, mengeratkan silaturrahim (ceh~ poyo la farah) and i gained a lot of "surviving" experience. so, kalau tersesat kat hutan 10 hari, INSYA-ALLAH, dapat survive~ heh, confident terlebey sudah..yang tak bestnya pacat. i hate those bloodsuckers~ gained shame crying over a pacat some more :)) sh*t

but, our college ni macam tak acknowledge je kitorg ada camping...huhu...there are no postponed due dates..still have to send all assignments on time~ which makes my life a teeny tiny "living hell". but i realized it's for our own good.. i mean, being a medical student is not all about pampering yourself..you have to work really really hard- "drop dead" hard, in order to get what u want.

but, there's a catch...somehow, somewhere..we need to sacrifice something in order to get what we want. one of the precious thing i sacrificed is my family time. yea, i lived quite near,.. i mean shah alam and cyberjaya is not that far right??

but, i haven't gone home for about 2 months now...and i miss my family (and my furball cat as well) very very much :'-((

the only thing connecting us is through phone calls and skype. (which is kinda pathetic)
i keep reminding myself~ i have to be strong!

PLUS! i got my family here as well~ my classmates <3,> and that one shining smile :)

my classmates- *some people missing*

you guys are whats' keeping me still holding on..(tak lupa our mutualism factor gak)

i <3 u guys!!!!!!!!!

weird intro

2009-11-15T07:18:00.001-08:00

wow....first time buat blog~ kinda awkward...
i saw mostly everyone's making blogs..my sister, my cousin,classmateS
so came to think...why not i make one too???
:D
hmm..blogging..i'll try to keep it updated...nak cari followers dulu
heehee :D
now, a very tensed time..
esok ada 3 test...tak bace pape pon lagi..
tetiba je nak buat blog
hah, farah asilah sudah gila :))
Well, esok ada test chem (masowk 2 chapters...dalam kepala still pikir camping..although dah habis), pendidikan islam(adoi...guna info masa form 5, a.k.a-logic thinking...adeh), and math(trigo...lagi tension,..skrg dah rasa mnyesal tak blaja trigo masa form 5)waaaa!!
so, saya mulai dan akhiri exam dgn~ tawakkal tu a'lallah!
ok..nak chiow dulu~ kacau housemates lain~ starting with ping ping :))
tata!
xoxoxoxo